In recent weeks, I have been asked by at least four people why I continue to try new things or begin new projects. I turn 53 this June (2013). It seems impossible to me that I am already in my 50s! Sometimes I catch myself dreaming about projects that are grandiose and improbable. Some of these ideas needed to have been started when I was much younger. For example, I think I would love being a music therapist but after having earned a bachelor's, master's, and Ph.D., I am NOT starting on another university degree.
When I take a survey of the past few years of my life, I realize that I have begun many projects but have only finished a few. I no longer allow this to discourage me. I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to finish every project -- as long as some of them "take" or "work" the others can fall to the wayside.
There are several musical instruments that I love. Two of my favorites are cello and oboe. Would I begin to study either of these? No! The skill and time would require more than I am willing to give. However, I also love the beautiful sound of the harp. This is an instrument which I felt I could manage since the strings are arranged in the same order as the piano. I might have to work hard on technique and adjust to a vertical system, but I would not be having to use a bow or learn breath control and how to shape my lips correctly to produce sound! In other words, I was willing to invest the time it takes to play a harp. So... I bought a beautiful celtic harp from one of the best harp builders in the country and I am now studying that instrument. I have named my harp "Timshel" -- "Thou mayest!"
I also chose the harp because I have started the process of becoming a "Certified Clinical Musician." This is a program where one learns how to play an instrument in a healing way at the bedside of those who are physically or mentally ill or who are in hospice care. Although other instruments are used, the harp seems to be the best fit for me and one that is used often in this type of work.
Can I get motivated, however, to do other projects I would like to pursue? In the years 2003 - 2006, I worked out with a personal trainer and the results were amazing. I had a flat, six-pack stomach and muscles in my shoulders, arms, legs, and butt. I felt and looked the best that I ever have. Now I am out of shape, and take medicine to control my blood pressure. I don't eat healthy. Why have I allowed myself to arrive at this spot?
I love the church where I am Director of Music. I work with phenomenal people. I love helping children and adults enjoy music. I love making music to accompany the spiritual journey of any who hear my music. I love my partner. I love my home. I love my Cavalier babies. I relish learning the harp and studying new compositions for piano and organ.
Now it is time to take a drastic turn and get back to living a healthy life style. I tried being a vegan a few months ago. (I was raised as a strict vegetarian until I was 22.) I stayed on the vegan diet for over four months. I felt great but I was losing too much weight because I was not exercising -- so I stopped. Some how, some way, I must make the decision, step across the line, and start exercising again.
Laurence
P.S. Watch for my next blog on "A church musician's personal apology."
DISCLAIMER -- If you were to read my Ph.D. dissertation, you would see that I am quite capable of writing as academically correct as my colleagues of "Ph.D'ers." However, unless writing a scholarly article, paper, thesis, or dissertation, I'll write as I darn (edited) well please! Blame it on my Texas roots. (I have several copies of my dissertation if anyone is interested!)
